


I'm prepared to look you in the eye

by Ilrona



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: And wanted to write a little fic, Daddy Issues, I heard about the new book, If he grows up to blow up five planets, Look it doesn't matter how weak you think your child is, M/M, That's certainly not something to scoff at
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-22 22:19:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7456008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ilrona/pseuds/Ilrona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the destruction of Starkiller Base, Hux visits his father on Arkanis. He realizes, as they discuss the destruction of the Hosnian system and Kylo Ren, with the blood of his own father on his hands, that this new generation is greater than the previous one, too weak to prevent the fall of the Empire, was. That Hux is greater than his father, now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm prepared to look you in the eye

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the lyrics of ‘Walk Unafraid’ by R.E.M. So much of the song fits Hux in this fic, to be honest, like "I was brought into this life a little lamb" or "I just want to hold my head up high / I don't care what I have to step over / I'm prepared to look you in the eye" and other parts too, but sadly you can't use the whole song as the title.

His father looks old, now. Which is not a bad thing. Grand Moff Tarkin was old when he blew up Alderaan – old doesn’t mean weak or useless. It’s just surprising. Hux remembers thinking, when he was a child, sitting on a battered shuttle with his cheek on his father’s shoulder and his stomach very empty, that despite all this sudden frightening change – leaving their home, leaving everything they know behind – his father will never change. Hux couldn’t imagine that once upon a time he had been a little kid too, or that one day there will be so many wrinkles around his eyes. Eyes which, when Hux was a child, seemed to always follow him.

Eyes which don’t look at him now. His father stares out of the window into the garden, hidden behind a thick grey curtain of rain.

Hux used to think that the Empire may be defeated – though he had no idea, back then, what that really meant, only that it was the worst thing that could have happened to them –, but not his father. No. His father will remain standing, proud and strong, forever. The eternal stars will disappear before Brendol Hux falls.

And that is exactly what happened, Hux realizes, feeling suddenly light-headed. Several stars did disappear, because of General Hux. And Brendol Hux is still standing, proud and strong and turned away from his son, facing the rain.

“You must have heard about the destruction of Starkiller Base,” Hux begins. His mouth feels dry. He swallows twice. He wishes he had a glass of water in front of him. “It’s unfortunate, but I…”

“It’s not unfortunate,” Brendol Hux interrupts him firmly.

Hux blinks. He must have misheard it. “It’s not?” He hates so much that his voice sounds small. The voice which ordered the destruction of five planets should never sound small.

“That weapon destroyed the Hosnian system. It almost destroyed the Ileenium system too. If the Supreme Leader had ordered to destroy the Arkanis system, for example, would you have been willing to do that as well?”

“Of course not!” Hux nearly jumps out of the sofa, but he restrains himself. It would seem childish and insecure. He will remain sitting, comfortable and certain of himself. “We destroyed the Senate and their fleet. The Ileenium system had the Resistance base on D’Qar. We wanted to kill our enemies first so that they won’t be able to kill us. The Arkanis system has no enemies of the First Order.”

Except, now that he thinks about it… Snoke wanted the Ileenium system destroyed because of the map that lead to Luke Skywalker, didn’t he? Hux agreed because he wanted the Resistance base to be gone. But if the map to Luke Skywalker had been on Arkanis instead… But that wasn’t what happened. And there was no point thinking about what-ifs that have no way of coming true anymore.

“Some destruction must happen, yes. The weak things must be thrown away so that the worthy may thrive. But if you destroy everything, there will be nothing left to conquer.”

“I know that,” Hux says, barely managing to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. Then he thinks: fuck it. He rolls his eyes. His father can’t even see him, still staring out into the garden. “Of course we weren’t planning to blow up every planet in the galaxy, father.”

“Good,” Brendol Hux says simply. He finally turns around, though he stays there in front of the window, and his expression is impossible to read.

Hux knows that some of the retired old Imperial officers and their family members on Arkanis, no longer remembering what war is like or never even experiencing it, whisper about how brutal the destruction of the Hosnian system was. How his father would have been able to destroy the Senate without destroying the whole star system. That his bastard son was too simple to come up with something cunning, and instead used mindless brute force, like a stupid child who can’t open a clever lock and instead breaks it. As if Brendol Hux could have simply talked or charmed the Senate into giving up and letting the First Order take over!

The silence is suddenly very unpleasant, almost suffocating. Hux wants to say something else, wants to tell some other great achievement to his father, but everything else pales in comparison to the incredible brilliance of destroying five planets, of wiping out the Senate and the fleet so perfectly, of being responsible for this one absolute unquestionable victory despite the later horrible destruction of Starkiller. Still, there is another thing that would surely at least shock his father.

“I have a boyfriend.” That’s not the word Hux would use to describe his relationship with Ren if Ren asked, but this is what he says to his father. “Lord Kylo Ren, leader of the Knights of Ren, first apprentice of Supreme Leader Snoke, co-commander of the Finalizer.”

“I have heard about him.” Brendol Hux looks at Hux like he’s waiting for his son to add that he’s just joking. When Hux doesn’t say anything else, his father continues. “Not much, but I know he’s Force-sensitive, and that he reminds people of Darth Vader. He’s an… impressive boyfriend. Everyone fears him.”

“I don’t fear him. He’s my co-commander. My equal. Even though there are a few pretty faces in the kitchen on the Finalizer too, _I_ enjoy fucking someone who is as powerful as I am.”

“You’re mocking me.” His father doesn’t sound angry, nor does he seem to be humiliated. He sounds almost amused. “You’ve never mocked me before. Not to my face, at least. And where is your Kylo Ren now? You could have introduced him to me. I would have enjoyed meeting my son’s sweetheart.” _Sweetheart_. Hux cringes. What a horrible choice of word! His father is mocking him, too. “Do you plan to meet his parents?”

Hux snorts. He almost blew up Ren’s mother and her whole base. If they meet one day in person, it will be very ugly.

“Not yet his mother. He killed his father, so I don’t think I will ever get to meet him.”

“I assume you mean in a metaphorical sense.”

“He put his lightsaber through his father’s chest.” His father’s eyes widen. Hux almost wants to laugh at him. “It was for the good of the First Order,” Hux explains, even though he isn’t certain about the details. Ren murmured, delirious, something about the Light and the Dark, some Force nonsense that Hux only half listened to, too busy trying to make sure Ren isn’t going to fucking die.

He really did start to listen, though, when Ren talked about his father giving him a chance to go back to the Resistance, to go back to his family, to go home. To betray the First Order. And Ren refused him. Because the Resistance isn’t his home anymore. Even if it was mostly because he wanted to cultivate the dark side or whatever, to become even more powerful in the Force, Ren remained loyal to the First Order, and loyal to Hux.

Suddenly, he feels a great surge of pride, a frightening possessive adoration for Kylo Ren, so intense it hurts him. He gasps. His shock must be written clearly onto his face, because he realizes that his father is looking at him strangely, suspiciously.

“I love him.” Which is surely not true. He’s just saying this to his father to rile him up or something. “Yes, he killed his father, and I still love him very much. I’m so proud of him. He was victorious where Darth Vader had failed: he did not let sentiment get in the way of doing his duty. He didn’t abandon the greater cause for something as silly as the love of a family member.”

He did cry very pitifully about it, though. He did mumble: _It hurts so much_. Hux let Ren clutch his hand hard enough to almost break his bones, and stared down at Ren’s bandaged face wet with tears. _Do you want more painkillers?_ Hux asked. _That’s not what hurts_ , Ren sobbed. Hux felt disgusted by this display of weakness, and was worried about Ren dying, both because of what Snoke would do to him and because he did not want Ren to die.

Now he thinks: Ren was so strong, so wonderful, so great. To kill one’s father – even if his father was only Han Solo, the old Rebel hero – is not something everyone would be able to do. A few pathetic tears were more than understandable after such a deed. They argue a lot, and find the other’s methods questionable, but Hux has to admit that Kylo Ren is powerful, and he has done a lot for the First Order. Once he will be done training with Snoke, he will be even greater. If he survives it, a tiny voice from some shadowy corner of his mind chimes in, but Hux banishes it very quickly. Ren survived murdering his father – after that, he will survive anything.

Suddenly he wants to have Ren with him here on Arkanis, sitting in this dim room. He would look so out of place amid the kitschy paintings of the seaside, the trophy fish on the wall. He would be sitting on the worn pale yellow sofa, his thigh brushing Hux’s, perhaps sipping from the teacup that once belonged to Brendol Hux’s wife, looking small and delicate in his big brutish hands.

He wants to fucking marry Kylo Ren here on Arkanis, because his father, according to the old customs, would have to kneel down in front of them both and kiss his son’s husband's hand, the hand which murdered Ren’s own father, and he would have to say, as tradition demands: _Yes, I accept you, for I trust my son’s judgement and heart, and I can see that he will be able to make you happy and be an excellent husband–_

He would show Ren the market, and they would eat that sweet-sour candy that always gets stuck in your teeth, and they would watch the ridiculous puppet-show on one of the streets near the spaceport, and go to the hill on one of the rare nights with no clouds and watch the stars. They would look so different here than on the Finalizer.

Hux would take Ren to the kitchen, too. Ren would use the Force to push the baskets full of fruits and dried fish off, and Hux would push him down onto the table, chest down. He would use the cooking oil to finger Ren open, and then he would fuck him. The kitchen would be empty, of course, though there would be maybe some servants or household droids walking just outside, and they would hear Ren’s loud, shameless and unrestrained groans of pleasure, would hear the proof of how well Hux can fuck him. Ren would come just from feeling Hux’s seed spill deep inside him. Hux would stay inside just for a little while, basking in the way Ren’s oversensitive ass would clench around his dick, and he would whisper into Ren’s ear, holding onto his shivering, wrecked body, something about how even though he can’t give him a child, he will give him something more, he will make him his consort once he becomes the Emperor, he will always keep Ren at his side, and never abandon him–

Hux pulls himself out of his fantasy, his heart beating violently. Fuck. He tries to calm himself. He wants to shock his father, yes, but not with having a fucking erection. And this is such a ridiculous thing to daydream about, anyway. As if Ren would ever have enough time to come to Arkanis, or would even wish to! Ren doesn’t even know about Hux’s destiny to become the Emperor, and even if he knew, it’s quite possible he wouldn’t even approve, let alone want to become his consort.

Hux stands up from the sofa and walks – brisk but not too much, back straight, head high, hands not curled into fists, face calm and expressionless – to his father. He stops only a couple of feet away. He glances out of the window to gather his strength. The grey rain reassures him, for some reason.

He’s taller than his father. He is pretty certain he has been taller than him since he was a teenager, but this is the first time he truly realizes it. He takes a step forward – Brendol Hux doesn’t take a step back. No. The galaxy would fall apart sooner. But there’s an obvious tension in the lines of his body. Hux looks down into his face. So familiar, yet not the same as the face he remembers from his childhood.

They stare at each other, silent, wary.

It feels like two predators sizing each other up before deciding whether to devour each other or go their own way. It also feels like coming home, somehow.

“You’re afraid of me, father,” Hux whispers. “Of the things I have done, and will continue to do.”

The realization hurts like being hit by a riot control baton. It also makes him so giddy. He has to take a deep breath before he can continue. If his father notices, he doesn’t say anything.

“You taught me how to be stronger and better and crueler. You taught me – us – your cadets – this bright new generation how to take back what was stolen from you. Taken from you, the previous generation, because you were weak, not good enough to keep it. You failed to protect the Empire. And now we’re so much better than you could have ever dreamed. Our soldiers are better. Our technology is better. Our Empire will be better. I will rule it better as the Emperor. You sit here now, father, idle and useless. And you watch us destroying star systems and killing our fathers, and you become awestruck and terrified, and you think: _I would not have been able to achieve so much._ ”

Now his father looks shocked, and he either doesn’t want to or he can’t hide it. Hux wants to laugh, pure triumph welling up inside his heart, but he is not the type of person who laughs, and he’s afraid it would sound weird, hysterical, half-crazed.

“I’m not afraid of you, Armitage.”

“Perhaps not,” Hux allows. “But you don’t argue that we’re better than your generation was.”

“We’ll see. The First Order could fall soon. You’re not Emperor yet. But if you do succeed, I will not resent that. We’re on the same side – we both want the Empire back. I’ll rejoice if you finally defeat our enemies.”

Hux looks away. The rain is still pouring outside, relentless, unstoppable. The sky above them is still the same sad grey. _The clouds are crying_. This is what his mother said, a very long time ago. This is the only thing he remembers her saying – perhaps it wasn’t even her who said it to her son, perhaps it was only his father talking about her, later. Perhaps it was just a dream. _They must be very sad if they cry so much. Perhaps there are a lot of things in the galaxy that make the clouds sad._ He isn’t certain whether these are his mother’s or his childhood self’s words. It doesn’t matter: both are dead now.


End file.
